bluemiie

2012-01-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

It's the annual Pol-ite.

Heard my babies didn't do that well for their poomsae.

Which only reflect that i didn't get their basic well.

First and only to blame is me.

Then it was Sparring.

I was touched/ anxious/excited about few matches.

1) Ryan: Finally got his gold. I love the sentence he said, ' I finally broke my record!'

2) HuiRu: Because she's always the Ms Nice Girl, soft and kind hearted. But i see her doing a head kick again... Really happy for her.

3) Elaine: Nervous, first time, never hear her opponent's name before, etc. Yet she had a good fight!

4) Lao Da: Though she injured her left leg. But she bravely use it to hit her opponent's head. But one thing i don't like, she didn't eat.

Seriously worried for Lao Da and QiaoEr. Why are they constantly throwing out every training? Why aren't they hungry and surviving with only a meal a day? They'll get anaemia and malnourish one day! With such weak body, how are they going to win? Even if they win, they're just spoiling their own body.

Lao Da.. Do you know why you always get out of breath? I believe you're slightly anaemic. And that's why you doesn't have enough Red Blood Cells to carry oxygen around your body.

And for myself. I can say none of the girls will lose me at the rate of my training. No improvement, yet de-proving. HOW! How am i going to participate in the tournament 3 months later? Can i just start from white belt again?

Hai~

That's all.

Bye~

2012-01-06T23:23:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

Went for training today.

Haiiii~

At first, was happy when Ryan *wave* at me.

Cause i don't remember him *waving* so happy at me before.

As always, the weird me convey message differently, and complicatedly.

First thing that i think, 'Wow. He'd matured!'

Then why moving the mat.

Someone said 'you must say _____'.

I felt hurt.

Why... Why had you changed so much?

Or i had never know you before?

Then quietly,

brought the things up to training ground,

put the mats,

changed into dobok,

sat down alone quietly...

Thinking~

I'm here to train or what?

Why must i get so affected by what people say?

Why should i care?

Then i wanted to care about myself.

But with my 'default look',

I look emo.

And became abit attention seeking.

So i smile and enjoy the training.

I train on my poomsae, get HuiRu to correct me.

Practice and practice.

I don't know why,

but i'm afraid to talk more or correct people.

I don't understand why things seems so complicated?

The atmosphere was just so weird!

I write here openly not to want to challenge anyone.

If i had say or do anything wrong,

just come and tell me.

I won't know if you guys just keep things to yourselves.

I had tried to be nice to everyone.

I go around correcting people with only one thought,

i hope and wish you guys succeed.

Not that i want to boost that i know everything.

I always say i'm just sharing what i learn.

Why will there be people who think otherwise.

Even when my dauder injured herself,

i took so much courage to approach her when usually i just rush forward.

I had to secretly go to her so no one or less people saw me.

That's all.

I don't know what to say.

Bye.

2012-01-01T15:55:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

It's 2012!!! I think it's the 2nd time i count down in the ward with my patients!

I had made 2 close friend and 1 new friend.
2011 wasn't really a bad year, but an emotional year.
Had been crying a lot.
Deeply hurt by the one i thought i'm closed with.
Had friends who never failed to console me at the right time.
Black society and Ting Darling never forgets to leave me a message, knowing that i'm proactive.
Have a new batch of kids in NYPTKD, but not so close.
See potential fighter leave even before their talents are showed.
Decided not to be so naive.
Whatever it had happened, i want to let go and forget about them.

New year...
Hope my family is as healthy and safe.
Our relationship still as close.

NYPTKD can be more unite.
Cause lately, i found out that the club seems to be breaking apart.
Unite in the groups not as one, which i really don't understand why.
A place that make me want to continue TKD because of the bond suddenly become...
A place i'm afraid to step into.
A place where i'm afraid to interfere with anything.
A place where politics seems to be more than my workplace.
Keeping more quiet and secretly hope everything will be okay.
But i know if their misunderstandings still there, nothing is going to improve.
I think Humble and Respect are one of the factors.
People should understand,
yes, taekwondo about skills and all that.
But it also cultivate good values.
Respect for each other. Be humble.
Without these, you can't go far.
Belt level don't really matter that much to me.
So what if i'm a Dan2, i'm still learning to be a better person.
So what if you'd won lots of gold, without good values,
you're just a 'low-grade' person.
True, people may adore you, but not for long.

Hai. I really hope things got better.'

And my friends...

2011-12-23T01:20:00.002+08:00

You once said, 'If I ask you to be my gf, will you?'
You once gave me your arm when I felt cold.
Now you understand why? Why to leave me alone and be independent?

2011-11-21T21:12:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

There's a few changes this few days.

The most interesting one is accepting and rejecting that 'pending request'.

In the end it was like awaiting him to make decision and he decide to choose another one.

I can only say, i'm not sad or disappointed at all.

In fact, i think i'm lucky to had not put in that much feeling or be chose by him.

But little that he know, i know more than he does.

I can only say he ruin the whole thing and he destroy everything himself.

Good luck to him.

This also allow me to totally forget him and focus on my goal!! =)

Thinking on the worst side, if he plans all this.

Then he totally fail!

Cause 1) Even if the other one really wants him, i can totally give him up.

2) He will get nothing in the end.

And because of him, i'm closer to her now than before.

That's why i know more than him =P

That's all.

Bye!~

2011-11-15T12:03:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Have a decision to make for a 'pending request'.

It's harder for me to decide with his requirement.

Read my younger sister's post on her blog and my bro's on FB.

Found out that girls are looking for someone who love them and they loved.

Very simple. Girls don't look for a forever love during dating, except for marriage.

Whereas my bro and that pending request asked for a forever love even when dating because they're afraid of being hurt again. Does it mean they're going to be with this girl forever till marriage? I doubt they even consider it.

That's all.

Bye~

2011-10-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

What's wrong with the ___ nowadays..

Seriously!

Damn sensitive.

And if you think everyone will like you,

i'm sorry, you're so wrong!

Stop hurting the people around you.

Why gives her the hope and hurt her...

Worse still, if on purpose!

Bye.

2011-09-11T01:31:00.005+08:00

Hihi...

Finally the Nationals started, and very soon... It's ending.

Was photographer for the first two days.

Was told to take photos that are not very nice.

Though it's not my style, but i follow instruction diligently.

People may not like it, but hey...

If you're doing things right, why are you scared of Kenny?

Thereafter, was given something that i rather i'm not.

It just hit me hard.

In fact, i don't know what i'm doing. I really don't understand.

People tell me things, and i have to convince them it's not that case.

But the more i try to convince them, i feel it's fake. Cause i can't convince myself.

And i don't know why, it just make me loss confident.

That's all.

Bye.

2011-08-22T18:23:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

Got to know one of my patient pass away yesterday when i got back to work today.

Of all the last office, i guess i felt most for his.

Probably after seeing how close his wife, daughters and son-in-law treat him.

Hope they're doing fine now.

I'm worried for the wife and daughters.

At least, his daughters came back in time to see him, if not, they'd regret for the rest of their life.

How vulnerable can life be.

Just last week, his still walking around, and now...

Hai, out of a sudden, i'm thinking if i'd upset the people around me if i just goes off like that.

If i were to leave the world tomorrow, i hope my parents can stay strong.

My sisters will take good care of them...

My black societies, dearest, darling and baobei won't be sad.

And equally important,

there's someone to take care of my new babies in NYPTKD.

That's all...

Bye

2011-08-15T15:02:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Haven't post for very long and i'm an adult now...!!!

21 years old:

~ Not much Diff.

~ Still Childish.

Now that i'm 21, have to be more mature.

So to those who loves to play pranks on me at work, no more chance!!!

Hahahaha~ Cause i finally got locker a lock!

Something that i really want to change,

is my attitude towards my parents...

I have to talk more, talk more, talk more!!!

Others may think such playful and crazy girl like me must be the most bubbly child at home.

Nah~ I probably talk less than 3 sentences sometimes with my parents.

Talking seems like a chore huh~

Had been teaching a new batch of freshies and they're now yellow-tip,

with some already holding yellow belt.

Glad to see there's quite a few still here with us.

But really hope they enjoy my class,

if not i'm just wasting their time.

Found some interesting characters...

1) Wong L.Y. : She look so similar with Jessica Peh!!! With their Christian name Jessica, it doubles the excitement. She's a little blur, but so far... One of the girls with pleasant characters. Easy going and she's willing to learn. Still remember teaching her turning kick step-by-step, and she forgotten in just a break time. But never give up and now she's a yellow-tip..

2) Chen X.Y. : Very dramatic girl with great potential. Wanted to drill her basics well but it seems like she's going to china for vacation. Hope she continues TKD because i sees Yiwen in her... Hahahaha.. Potential fighter!!!

3) WeiJuan and Yihui:: New daughters. Never fail to ask questions during training. Never fail to ask questions during training, and .... commenting at my FB's walls. Hardworking pair of girls, probably goes into poomsae?

4) Ow X.W. : The leader of sotong world and is proud of it. Been influencing few of my girls to be like her, now i got more sotongs. She's blur but willing to learn. Hard worker. She got the build for poomsae and sparring. And very similar with my 3rd daughter, Elaine. Incident-prone, attracts my attention first with her nails' polish, then injuries. Reminded me about Elaine who doesn't ask questions. And because of that, thought she's hard to teach and talk to. Don't really dare to talk to her now.

And that insensitive man still insensitive.

Probably our characters differs too much. Thought he might me the person who knows me well, but hai~

Went to cheer for my girlfriend and him for their exam. The only thing i can ask for is they pass their exam and happy that there's still a friend to cheer for them. Yet he find it "wasting time".

Probably the 2 years age gaps still make a diff.

I really don't know what he's thinking now.

SYOF [ Singapore Youth Olympic Festival ]

Position: Photographer.

I wanted to do something for TKD, and spend time with NYP TKD friends. That's why even i'm working night shift, i don't find it a chore to go and help. But was chased home to rest on the 2nd day. Sometimes small sacrifices are the small, little things that make my life not so boring. As a photographer, i can see lots of things and learn from it.

Caught STF president's attention, was told to take candid photos of referees and even STF's committee. Hope i don't disappoint him with my humble photography skills. I practical know nothing about photography, just like taking photos.

Then night shift was okay, but was chased home... again on the 2nd day. It looks like i'd been chased away everywhere i go. Sometimes it just make me feel so unwanted. Though i know they are doing that so that i get enough rest. But being chased away just feel bad! Just make me feel useless and extra.

That's all.. Rushing for time.

Bye.

2011-07-05T23:18:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

It's been around 2 weeks,

honestly, i still haven't got over that unpleasant incident.

Especially when i have to face that 2 guys, still trying very hard to forget what they said.

Although my girls already started talking to me, but i just can't break that barrier.

Then today's training...

Xiao NuEr came over and tell me Lao Da vomited.

My first thought was, "又不乖了". Then, i wanted to "ignore" cause she usually don't listens to me.

However, i went over.

I bend down and said,

“你答应过我什么，答应别人的话，cannot break。”

Then she started to shed tears, i held back...

And said, “你现在真的不可以train，休息好吗？”

Actually, I'm not sure if she will listens to me.

Because to me, after that incident, i maybe nobody to them.

But to my surprise, she didn't train for a while.

I'm not sure if it's because she really can't train, or she really listening to me.

But as long as she rest, i'm happy.

On my way home, QiaoEr call me and said, "Xanthe, your belt with me."

Though i'm thinking why she didn't say "Lao ma", but at least, she had my belt.

My dad was curious about who's calling me,

my answer was " 我的女儿"...

Then my dad replied, “妹妹啦！她才小你几岁。。”

I said, "还是我的女儿，我从他white belt就开始教！！"

From the 2 scenarios, I discovered...

母女缘结下了，不是说断就断。

I'm contented. So what if someone just hacked into my account and took 2000bucks.

It seems like i got more.

That's all.

Bye...

2011-06-18T23:31:00.001+08:00

我恨透你们，把我弄得不能停止哭泣。

2011-06-18T22:15:00.002+08:00

I'd really tried my best to forget, but i really can't.

I dreamt of them when i sleep, recall the words when i'm awake.

People who cares for me at work kept making me to recall when they ask;

"What happened? You fought with your boyfriend? Your friends bully you? They left you alone? Nurse manager even want to interrogate me.

Then i had SMSes even from people who usually don't message me, but it's just too late. It only makes me cry more when i read them.

Yes, i'm maybe able to forgive, but i can't forget. I CAN'T...

And "Sorry" to be is just an english word with no meaning now.

I'm not trying be gain empathy here nor trying to make a molehill [maybe to others] to a mountain, but i really can't take it.

It's just hurt me too deeply.

I'm already someone who's sensitive to small matter, you can't expect me to feel okay when something like this happen. It's just more than what i can take.

Please don't force me to forget because i will only remembers it more deeply.

Now i only hope my parents won't see through, if not... It's just another round of tearing session.

I kept asking those people in the heaven. What did i do wrong this time, why am i getting all these.

One of patient told me today "Thanks for helping me, god bless you... Always~"

I replied, "Always?!"

Now i feel like telling that god, can you bless me by bringing me with you? Why did i get home safely...

2011-06-17T17:25:00.005+08:00

After so much of pleasing and pleading,

i finally got the requests i want for my camp,

and what i got were these!!!

The thing that upset me the most:

Able to be with my best of friends at camp is just fantastic.

But having her/them to "forget" your presence is just.... terrible!

Really... I swear!

And when it don't only happen once or twice,

it really hurt!

And what i can do is only to find one/ two people to vent my sorrows and quietly...

initiate conversations for the N numbers of times with them when i see them again.

Let me tell you, each times you left for a long time without telling me,

the bond and trust between us got shaken.

You should know the past me will definitely show you attitude and totally ignores you for days to months. But this time, i actually initiate conversations again and again after i'm less upset.

This is how much i had changed for you!

Oh ya, so does this means how much you missed me like what you always says?

I rarely message you that i misses you, like what you did.

because i learned the lesson "to show and not only say".

But at least, I showed what i meant.

And this time, for sure, i know i had not disappoint or upset you.

The thing that i regret most:

Definitely is.... "confronting" my "youngest daughter".

Never had i want to hurt her with my words.

There's just nothing i can say to explain how much i regretted.

And for friends who knows me will know how guilty i'll be after doing so.

But it just seems no way for me to talk to her about it anymore.

So i can only hope and treat as though nothing happen and continue to be nice to her.

It's really not to confront her, but to get the truth. Cause at that moment, after someone gave some remarks that really hurt me, I really want to know the truth and not being accused. And because i hate to be accused, i sounded more like confronting than just to get the truth.

Thing that i definitely have to speak for myself:

Who on earth treat juniors whom she sees at most twice a week really like her own daughter.

Okay, you maybe saying, "it's just one sided ma, we only treat you just like others seniors".

But since you already address me as "mother or lao ma",

I felt that i'm really recognize as one.

So.. How many "mother or lao ma", who are recognize by the same way,

1) Nags at her daughters N numbers of times to rest when they're unwell despite them not listening.

2) Went to buy the tape after knowing her Lao Da needs it during trainings.

3) Teach them when she can/ able to hopefully they do well for competitions/ gradings.

4) Make requests to attend their gradings/ tournaments just to hope that she can be there for them. And got really nervous for them when it's their turns.

5) Make sure they had their meals during camp, and even call them when not together.

6) Get people to look after them on her behalf when she can't/ knowing that they won't listen.

7) Ran to get her camera which had the function to squeeze a big group in so that her QiaoEr don't have to "risk her life" to take group photos for others.

8) During Orientation Camp 2011's night walk, (a) reassured Lao Da/ QiaoEr to contact her if they don't feel well and unease at least 3 times. But what she got from them was a "irritated/ unhappy" face. Didn't show them attitude back knowing that they're just tired. (b) Repeat many times to people with her that she's worried for them alone there and wanted to go over to check on them, if situation allows. But how on earth can i do two things at a time? I had to talk to the people from other camp to solve the problem so that the night walk can faster begin. (c) Felt really angry when she knows someone actually attacked her Lao Da and worried for her.

9) Felt uneasy when her daughters complaints of headache and didn't sleep well. Knowing it, didn't want to force them to other activities.

Does those people who thought she's at wrong and blaming her even know that she actually helped them to stay on the original plan but was shoot by her best of friend few times? Do they know the feeling of being sandwiched feels?!

And how many times i have to climb up and down the stairs, run here and there to report to Meiqin, when my back don't even allows. And i didn't even complain to anyone.

When there's nothing to do for the freshies, many times i took the initiative to entertain them.

For god sake, can you please tell me what i haven't done enough to be suited for being their "mother/ Lao ma". And when i made one mistake that cause them to be upset, it's like i had failed the whole world. It's more than just a little unfair to me. But whatever it is, i will never never "cut the ties" with them, unless they wanted.

What else can i do to gain that bit of respect from the juniors?!

If anyone who can actually feel what i had gone through for that 3 days, i'm really really not feeling good. Be it mentally or physically, i'm really not at a good state. But i don't even give them that "you owe me a million" when they come to me. Seriously... I had been too nice to people that i think they're starting to take advantage of me.

And after they scold/ insult/ disrespect/ disappoint me, i can only cry... terribly while blogging all this here. This is just hilarious when thought of.

Great that they make it clear that "Alumni are not supposed to comment/ do anything". At least we won't look like bad guys when we didn't help them.

However, really appreciate HuiRu, Crystal, QiuLing, Tiffany, Xuan Ying and one whom i can't remember her name for the words of acknowledgment for all my hard works. Those words really keep me going, and i will not change for the worse despite the above. Because of these 6 people, I will still be that "willing to share" seniors as long as they're willing to accept me.

Not forgetting to thanks;

Crystal who bought drinks for me, be the first to accompany me when i'm alone and felt for me. Meiqin for turning back to check if i'm ok alone after the first incident, and never forgets to care for how i feel. And i'm sort of, surprise when she does so because frankly speaking, we're not very very very close. Eric for staying back with me to wait for my dad. Didn't push him away this time because i really need someone to "be with me" after all those that happen.

Yup... That's all,

bye.

2011-05-31T16:07:00.001+08:00

Yeah, probably we should just be friend.

So i won't have any expectation on you.

Cool..? Set?!

2011-05-31T15:29:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Had been looking on a brighter side nowadays,

so everything still ok for me.

Even when the outcome isn't good,

i still manage to "find an excuse" to make it good.

But,

for some times i just can't treat as though it's nothing.

Especially when you got that little bit of expectation on that person.

It's not that i'm being difficult,

but isn't it normal to have expectation on that person you're more close with.

Otherwise what's the different between close friends and normal friends.

And this time, i'm really quite disappointed.

How can they, give excuse for everything that went wrong?!

And the more excuse they give, i only see the "selfishness".

Now i know why things not getting well for you,

cause you're just not sensitive enough,

and not mature enough to spare a thought for others.

Girls are really not that hard to understand,

you just got to spare a thought for them.

Understand where they're coming from.

Sometimes what they want is just very simple.

And most of the times,

they're actually asking for the truth.

And guys seems to think the truth will cause trouble,

and therefore came out with "excuses".

In the end,

they're just causing more trouble to themselves,

so why trouble to lie or find excuses in the beginning?

That's all,

bye.

2011-05-07T22:49:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

Spoken to someone regarding my current understanding and feeling for friendship..

Really exhausted due to too much of thinking of ways to care for people...

"It's like in a relationship whereby you keep giving, where eventually, you'll wear off."

Wanted to give up and stop caring for others.

"If one day i "Ah xin" stands in front of me and say he's the one, i swear i'll go all out for him!!"

I'M SO TIRED!!!!!!

Plus being a nurse, it's all about caring for your patients...

I guess i'd had used up all the caring factors i have in built...

So can someone just appear and care for me?

Pat me to sleep, get me food when i'm hungry, hold on to me when i'm really busy and going to faint. Hug me and say well done.

Hai..

That's all.

Bye.

2011-04-27T02:25:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

I'm still seen as a Bing Shan, "Ice mountain" to a lot of people.

Saying that i'm cold, i'm cool...

But i'm actually not as strong as i appear to be.

I'm... Weak.

And i get hurt easily.

So please try not to flood me.

Thanks.

If you think you can't prevent,

then don't come into my world in the first place.

Don't try to be a titanic.

Bye.

2011-04-07T14:10:00.005+08:00

Hihi...

My blog look dead nowadays.

Poor Kenny seems hungry, and i can only get him some tidbits.

Got to bring him out more often to find food.

Anyway, JCIA coming,

i guess to make things safe, they decide to put me as floater.

Well. Not a bad thing for me, at least i can help with juniors' work and more bedside care.

Though life is getting really bad for me,

lots of things happening in ward.

But hey, if it's not because of all this unhappiness things,

I wouldn't have notice there's people out there, willing to listen.

How great it is!!!

Especially when one or two of us aren't close friend at all, yet we're sharing so many things.

Indeed, not necessary we can share anything and everything with or closest friend.

And when these friends transform from stranger to good friend or even close friend,

they're going to be different from those close friends you made from classmates.

The different is, close friends from:

Classmates... we will know more as we becomes closer. And when we know more, we either get closer or...

Sharing things... we know more before becoming closer. And will only get even closer...

And i just make friend with someone through a special way..

Not sure how close we can be, shall see.

That's all.

Bye friends~

2011-03-19T09:15:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Something not nice happened.

It may not be a big deal to you guys, but to me..

Especially you are the one saying "we must always be together."

But why are you teaming with others to bully/ "playing" your teammate?

And teaming with her?!

I'm sure you're going to regret one day.

Cause she's the kind of person who don't care about how others feel.

Even when she knows her action/ word could have hurt the other party.

One day when she catch you doing something wrong, you will still get it from her.

Maybe you doesn't matter, because you're the same kind of person like her.

Sometimes, it's not about you having fun. I think it's more important to understand that you'd hurt someone while having fun.

It's not that i'm too serious, but everyone have their way to play the games.

I don't mind you guys throwing that scrubs into my locker, but not my bag.

It's dirty! And for someone who don't really like things to be dirty, it's a big deal.

Just like i love TKD, doesn't mean i go around beating people and call it "practicing".

Anyway,

something nice!

I finally bought myself a DSLR =)

After a year of waiting, Kenny, EOS 600D comes to me. And so my goal is to not waste my money. I must take lots and lots of nice pictures with it.

That's all.

Bye!

2011-03-09T21:08:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

I think i can understand why nowadays girls goes for another girl instead of guys.

Because...

The guys nowadays are getting more and more timid, immature & insensible.

1) Timid: Shut up when another girl/guy scolding them. Don't dare to let the girl knows he likes her because afraid of being reject.

2) Immature/ insensible: Don't even know that the girl is already very angry. Still can continue the conversation with "haha... =P... orh... " Then when finally sense that girl is angry, then thinks that the girl is petty. Angry at the current small little things, when it's the previous things that she's angry with.

And stupid.

I don't understand why girls can understand what the guys are thinking after few sessions of chatting, but the guys simply don't understand the girls. Then they start doing all the things that the girls don't like. Girls will then be irritated. Nice girls keep to themselves, while the nasty ones tell them off. And it makes me feeling that i'm so evil when i start ignoring or treating that guy coldly.

I apologize to those clever & nice guys. I know there's still really nice and thoughtful guys out there. But sad to say, these are the guys i'm encountering. And i writing all these because i really can't take it when they starts irritating me, but i don't dare to tell them. Just don't want to hurt them.

That's all,

bye.

2011-03-03T01:39:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Had been making requests and i think it should comes to an end.

Forget about having the recognition,

and how tiring it can be when you are doing a tiring sports during the only off day you have for that week.

FORGET IT...

They will always think,

"oh.. it's just about if your request is being approved and that you can help us."

They forget that i'm using my only off day to help them,

and after that day, i have to work again.

I'm only doing all these for my junior.

I always think i'm not helping much at all.

And i think i should start believing what i'm doing.

Only then, others will have that trust in me.

And since i always tell others that every individual have the power to make a difference.

Why am i not believing myself.

And only today,

i know how far i can go for my juniors, how much i can push and exceed the limits.

And how fierce and serious can i get when i want things done.

No joking around.

Since i'm asked to help out,

i should be also trying, no.. doing my best to help them.

If i don't have the mindset, they will only be practicing blindly with little improvement.

So with forcing myself to my limit,

i think Jessica and i forces them to their limits as well.

Seeing every single one of them try their best to perfect the steps.

I can say, i'm honored to be the one teaching.

Really well done..!

Now i'm worried that they're too perfect that i'm touched when i see them perform.

That's all..

Shall see them this friday.

Bye.

2011-02-06T00:34:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Went to Sir's place for Chinese New Year celebration.

As usual,

don't intend to eat much,

but to have fun...

And enjoy gathering.

Didn't expect myself to stay till that late.

Was still thinking of C'maine's birthday celebration.

Hai...

Felt bad.

Hope i get the chance to repay her a celebration.

Then...

I was more confirmed after today.

I think nowadays,

guys are getting more and more desperate.

They just hate to be single.

Must get a girlfriend to keep them accompany.

And girls,

getting more and more stronger than guys.

As in,

more proactive than guys in some sense.

But!

To all my friends around my age...

2-3 years old plus/ minus.

Think for yourself.

Is getting a temporary one so important than getting a permanent one.

Why let yourself into a temporary one,

knowing that it won't last that long,

then get yourself emo when breaking up.

That's all.

Bye.

2011-01-31T21:31:00.003+08:00

Hihi....

Went shopping these 3 days.

Was totally satisfied with what i got for myself!

And the things i got gets more and more expensive.

First day [Friday]:

1) 4 Pieces of lingerie

2) Hair Clips

3) 3 Tops

Second day [Sunday]:

1) Umbrella

2) 1 Jacket

3) 2 Tops

4) A membership of a shop

Third day [Today]:

1) 1 Jeans

2) Another membership

3) 1 Dress

4) 1 Skirt

5) 1 Top

6) 2 Shorts

7) 3 Pairs of shoes of different type

And..

I'm so happy!!!

Muahahaha~

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Bye~

2011-01-16T21:19:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

It's their grading today...

I just don't think it's a good day.

First,

I took that step to contact that busy woman.

Then i hate it when my instinct was right negatively.

Next,

i waited for 50 mins just for my fries.

I think they should just focus on the games.

Totally bad intro by him,

i think he just want to earn our money.

Since it's so boring,

i went home right after i finish my fries.

I think there's a problem to my heath recently.

I thought i'm getting breathless because i'm eating too fast,

but it seems even when i'm sitting down doing nothing,

the breathless feeling is still there.

That's all.

Bye.

2011-01-12T10:42:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

I'd got my lesson,

from today onwards,

i'll stop caring about others.

Bye.

2011-01-09T00:43:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

Saturday [080111]

Working afternoon shift with minimum number of staff.

I'm actually very very tired.

Even YanLi says i must be very tired,

cause i'm actually walking,

not jumping.

And half of my mind thinking about the open house.

Half of my mind actually....

waiting for sms...

I seriously get use to something very easily.

And slowly tends to rely on it.

Terrible.

It's time to change all this.

Help him to get something through his mind.

And actually,

i haven't thought so much for my own.

Therefore,

for my next one,

it's going to be a perfect one.

Or at least last more than 2 years?

And i must be able to differentiate if it's just merely got use to,

and therefore starting to rely.

Or is it really...

Love.

That's all.

Another busy day that starts few hours later...

Bye.

2011-01-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

Lately had been clever at guessing a lot of things.

As in my senses are more and more strong.

Then get to know things that i hate to know,

because of things that happen previously.

Wanted to stop myself from discovering all those stuff,

but just "unlucky"?

Yesterday [6 Jan],

went to help the blue belt and above for their grading.

It's the N time i had made requests for TKD.

Sometimes,

i'm really tired.

I felt that i'm being made used of.

Just like when they need you,

they call/message you,

if not,

your name will not even be remembered.

Then help Clinton with his project which i totally had no idea what it's all about.

I went to more than 20 websites to search and copy the link for him.

Until i got headache because of all the words.

Then i start to stop and think.

WHY?

Why am i helping him?

And recently just lent my colleague 2K.

Why do i look so cold towards people,

but i have to help them.

Why can't i be heartless against them.

After all that,

i am left alone and forgotten by people.

I'm just so tiny to people.

Hai.

That's all.

Shall vent my misery later.

Bye.

2011-01-03T20:42:00.004+08:00

Hihi...

Discovered that i got attracted to anyone easily.

As long as that person is nice to me.

Bonus when they're able to understand me.

Cause sometimes i don't even understand myself.

Oh ya!

And i trust people like super easily.

Therefore, it's time for me to grow up and stop behaving so naively!

Went to TKD BBQ new year party.

Was shocked totally by his words.

I'm like...

Are you lying?

Don't lie to me just because i trust and believe people easily...

Anyway, don't give up on her yet when you feel you still have the chance.

Went Poomsae coach course with Jessica Peh..

Just one hour to study for theory..

Like, so impossible to pass!

And practical, hai~

Now i'm regretting...

Should only join after my injuries all had recovers.

So... *Finger cross* & wait for the results.

And, i'd blocked him from MSN.

Not because he did something wrong,

but just that he's too good at words.

What if we becomes closer and we becomes close friends?

So scared to have close friends now.

Especially if that person knows/ study you well.

That's all.

Bye.

2010-12-31T19:36:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Decide to have a last post on 31.12.10 before i go for work.

And totally no secret.

During this year of 2010:

1) Graduate from poly and started working in adult's world.

2) Broke with first boyfriend and second boyfriend:

Yinyuan and Zante.

Of both, discover that YY may know me the best,

and owe Zante the most.

3) Once treasure friendship deeply and decide to let it go because of one person:

Catherine Ong...

And felt that this person changes alot!

4) Thanks to the current job:

Nursing...

seen more different kinds of people.

5) Had 3 children:

Lao Da, Qiao Er and Elaine.

Though Lao Da and Qiao Er is a twin,

sometimes i feel their character is kind of very different.

At first i thought Lao Da doesn't like me at all,

but she approached me the most.

Qiao Er becomes more quiet.

They fell sick during the recent camp,

and i felt the anxiousness to let them have ample rest.

Perhaps people can only feel this,

not by "verbal" acknowledgement,

but also treat them sincerely.

Elaine is the most incident-prone among them,

and therefore always look out for her secretly.

6) Had a few more "boyfriends":

Joey Ong Hwee Ju & Sarniyah...

Whom both gave me a support just at the right time when i'm about to collapse.

And discover...

"Hey, is that call friendship?"

Joey simply quietly support me while Sarniyah was always by my side when i'm crying.

7) Had a scandal:

Hannah Lian...

Just someone whom i enjoy talking to, and crap our nonsense together.

8) Had a few saviors when working:

Catherine Loo, Mereena, Khai Lee and Yan Li...

Catherine Loo bullies me the most, but at the back of that, i saw the helpful "pang zi"! Haha~

Mereena maybe the only one who will never backstab others.

Though Khai Lee sometimes ignore people totally, but she helps just at the right time!

Sarniyah's preceptor, Yan Li, the preceptor who taught her preceptee to not trust anyone.

9) Had a "mummy":

Tam Fong Chneg...

Though it's only one-sided. But i will never forget that when i'm sick, she hand a bottle of herbal tea in front of me. Though it can be nothing to her, but you know, i'm touched =)

10) Someone who entertain me by chats:

Eric and Clinton...

Eric just quietly let me bully him. Sometimes i think he should just fight back for his right, especially towards the club members.

Clinton actually make me talk about my past. And for someone we hardly talk, he's just observant enough to notice alot.

11) Not forget Black societies and Ting Darling...

Ting Darling: the one who i really see that she tries very hard to put friendship together.

Erlina: Still the Da jie i will look for shelter.

Ah shou: No matter how long we didn't contact each other, our conversation will always be there.

Ying: To me, she's still the one quietly observing us, support us when she thinks she should.

To me,

I'm thankful to have all the people above and of course,

my family ...!

My parents who never fails to prepare my breakfast,

Lingo who scold all the people who bullies me,

and Zanne who walk towards me with a hug when she saw i'm crying.

That's all,

shall stop here,

else i'll have red eyes...

Still have to work.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

BYE 2010!

2010-12-11T03:55:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Went training today [10.12.10].

Took the class for a jog and warm-up exercise.

Enjoyed the training...

Had a chat with "old man".

Didn't know i can talk so much!

Not a bad way to end my day though/ start my day... --> Looking at the time [0330hrs]

Glad to make people happy...

I think if everybody can stop thinking of ways to upset others,

and instead,

do/ say something to make others happy,

i think it's more meaningful.

But of course,

you have to mean what you say,

and say what you mean.

That's all!

Bye =)

2010-12-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

1) I'm sick and tired of lying by saying...

"okok", "like that lor"...

So what you guys want to know,

i'll say...

I'm single now..

Happy?!

Sometimes i understand it's out of care and concern when you ask "how you and him?"

But it's really irritating if it's too much.

I really don't understand why a couple needs to report to you when they're in a relationship.

Worse when you lecture them if you doesn't like him/her.

Like maybe even their parents doesn't care about it.

2) Then after going the NCAP,

I think maybe i'd like refereeing more.

Because i need to write 8 pages of lesson plan.

to me,

that's insane!!

So i had my AL for this...

Hai...

But for once,

i agree with Sir...

As in to be a coach or referee,

because i know i'm not the fighter kind.

So must as well participate as a coach or referee...

3) You finally gave up too?

Like i say,

i really don't think anything is everlasting.

So..

Ya.

Cheers to loner...!

Bye.

2010-12-04T00:05:00.003+08:00

Hihi....

Got to know there's a small increase in the number of readers reading my blog.

Is that a good thing?

Means more people will know about my secrets...

*Opps* =P.

One of them is Joey,

my boyfriend/girlfriend [please make up your mind]

who claims that she reads it because she felt that emotional connections with me..

Actually i do feel happy and honored to have friends coming to me,

saying they feel the bonding between us getting stronger,

that emotional connections and etc.

But i think i have to warn them,

somehow,

i can't last...

Cause i'll feel tired...

Probably too much giving..

Especially when working,

not only to colleagues,

but also to boss and patients.

So ya...

Sorry about it.

Anyway,

i finally getting my AL,

like 99.9% confirmed,

but maybe called back like anytime.

Feel like nurse on-call.

Also,

starting of my coach course,

every saturday and sunday.

Studying again...

Should say i'm feel better mentally and spiritually after all the bad encounters in ward.

Must recover fully before i start work again.

Want to be "error-free" as much as possible.

My DVD is finally here,

just in time to fill my AL.

That's all i guess.

Bye!

2010-11-22T17:07:00.005+08:00

Hihi...

Yeah...

"is so happy today..."

And i just lied.

Cried for the don't know how many times.

Which i'm not suppose to do so as a promise to myself.

But it's just so hard if i'm in this ward.

I HATE THIS WARD TO THE MAX!

Having a preceptor who don't really teach other than the competency checklist,

which is what she suppose/ must go through.

Even some Staff Nurses tell me i'm not going to learn anything much from her.

The feeling of being "confirmed" is no different with being with her.

Kept laughing and joking,

when i'm trying so hard to pass the report,

making sure that i don't miss out anything.

Being sarcastic when i pass wrong thing,

I thought you should feel embarrassed that you had not taught me well leading to me being so incompetent?!

I'm starting to dislike her so much,

that i'm getting quite happy when i don't have to work with her.

I don't mind when she ask me seriously why am i not doing my work properly.

Why am i passing incomplete work to her.

At least when she does that,

i know that's what i should face when i don't do things properly.

And having a friend who you rely so much,

actually joke together,

that's "true friend"!

Though when Loo ask me what happen,

i push everything to her,

instead of saying "it hurts more when your friend did that".

How on earth can i still say,

"R continue joking despite S keep saying she's sarcastic,

asking her to stop it."

How on earth can i make myself say the good things about you even when i'm angry with you.

You may feel i'm being unreasonable when i don't talk to you when R is at fault.

But do you know to me,

having a friend doing that is worse?!

I don't need you to speak for me,

but at least help me by keeping silent.

It's not that i can't take joke,

but at least not at the time when i'm so stress up to make sure i pass everything properly.

In the end,

i'm still taking friendship so seriously.

I think with this,

i can forget about what you call,

A FRIEND.

That's all.

Bye.

2010-11-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

Hihi..

Finally went training yesterday.

But it seems like i'm not enjoying myself.

Other than i was having giddiness.

Even when my "daughters", Wandin, Joey, Michelle tried to cheer me up.

It fails.

However,

When Michelle gave me a *PEACE*,

which normally suppose to be done by me,

I smiled.

I really smile,

though for few seconds.

Today went to play paintball.

Was my first time,

manage to get Sir and Tim.

But was shoot at the neck by Tim.

Now it looks so disgusting,

like a love bite..

Imagine a nurse working with love bite at the neck.

When i was showering,

was thinking which kind of -ship lasts forever,

but it seems...

None.

1) During a meet - we'll have farewell

2) Relationship - break up

3) Marriage - divorce

What about the most important ship that carries friend [other than family].

Does a friendship really able to last?

Frankly speaking,

I'm losing that confident to drive these ships.

I'm getting seasick...

That's all.

Bye.

2010-11-10T23:49:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Many weeks never update,

many things had changed.

Some changes are kind of relief for me,

but there's one,

honestly,

i'm still very upset with.

Every since,

she had been so happy in their world.

And i had choose to take a leave from her world to let them enjoy.

Think i can use "重色轻友" in this case.

Also change my itouch to itouch 4,

Asus laptop to MacBook Pro.

But i just don't feel the excitement.

Haven't been going Taekwondo training,

just like missing out alot of things.

My "Hi! My sweetheart!" DVD aren't here yet too.

That's all.

Time for me to save after such heavy expenses.

Bye.

2010-10-08T23:21:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Today training,
sparring tournament.
Was kind of not prepared physically.
Quite frightening to know my opponent was her,
as she's kind of big size for me,
and seems to like and have lots of sparring experiences.
Cath kept saying,
"back thrust her!!!".
I simply can't....
1) I just can't fight seriously with own people.
2) Not enough confident.
3) Won't use jumping back thrust unless the opponent is Crystal. [Don't ask me why]
In the end,
got kicked on the head for 3 times,
of all times,
i knew she was kicking but didn't move away.
Now,
I totally regretted!!!
Simply because i didn't try my best.
I doubt i'll be so upset when i lose her,
if i'd tried my best.
Same rule for myself when i go for tournaments.
No losing to your opponent for the 2nd time.
I can't guarantee that i will win her the next time,
but i'll definitely try my best.
JUMPING BACK THRUST!!!

That's all,
here's my reflection.
Bye.

2010-10-05T01:02:00.003+08:00

Hihi...
Sunday [031010]
Actually should be morning shift,
had to change to day off because it's taekwondo grading!
It's actually the 5th request for taekwondo.
Cool man~
The whole day was taking care of my daughters...
Especially the smaller one,
just can't stop jumping here and there.
Think they did well for their grading,
probably they didn't shout loud enough.
Hopefully can help them,
though i don't know much,
but at least guide them with that little things i know.
At least help them get a double.

Change shift quite unwillingly with my collegue.
Cause already promise one of my collegue to do something,
in the end i broke my promise.
It's one of the thing i hate to do most.
In the end,
wasn't in good mood at the beginning of shift starts.
As times passes,
when work becomes busier,
then forgotten about it.

That's all.
Bye.

2010-09-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

I think I had enough with her...
She's getting overboard.
I think people should start treating one another kindly,
truthfully.
No point smiling to that person when you don't feel the way.
That person can sense it.
And treating that person from your understanding of her,
do you think it's fair?
Just something i guess people should think about.
Why on earth are people thinking of ways/ words to make one feel unhappy...

That's all.
Bye.

2010-09-13T01:44:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Last day of National Tournament.
Must say i really enjoy alot,
cause there's always new rules that i learn everyday.
Though it's a long day,
but definitely worth it.
Made new friend,
learn new things,
and many touching moments.
Got the 2nd award for the 2nd time i participate in National.
Many people to thank,
1) Girlene Mdm for encouraging me throughout,
from the start before i'm even a 3P.
2) Brian Sir for supporting me,
sending message when he's not able to go down and support us.
3) Thiam Huat Sir for giving me the chance to officiate in different weight bout.
4) All the people who congratulate us,
who came down to support us,
not forgetting Wenxin.

Suppose to end my day happily with all the achievements learned.
But somehow...

That's all.
Bye.

2010-09-02T02:07:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Blogging the second time because of a thought that i'd asked myself for a millon times but still can't get an answer.
Why do people always remember the bad thing that a person did and forget the good deeds that this person had done?
Even when this person rarely makes a mistake but so generous when it comes to helping people?
Why are the people in this world getting so non-appreciative?
Why are these people so selective in remembering things?
So forgetful when it comes to good things,
great memories when it comes to bad things that people do?
Probably when people learn to remember the "right" things and forget the "wrong" things that people do,
so they can learn to forgive someone when they did something wrong.

Some things for people to think of.
Bye.

2010-09-02T01:23:00.003+08:00

Hihi..

Was in a really bad luck recently.
1) Becomes scapegoat for many things.
But so what if i learn a lesson,
given the character i have,
i'll only keep quiet and let them accuse me.

2) May know how "misunderstand" comes about.
It's not mrunderstand,
but rather miss-understand because girls are more sensative and had more complicated thoughts process.
Of course i'll get upset when people scold me,
but it's worse when people accuse/ misunderstood me.
Hai~
But can't blame these people,
they just don't understand me well enough.
Characters don't change out of a sudden.
And i just like the way i am.
I just don't like to scold vulgarities,
don't like to tell lies [so stop forcing me],
but i like to help people [cause it makes me happy when people are happy].
I hope to change the bad characters that i had!!! [Bad tempered, emotional]
But should i remains quiet when i'm angry,
or learn to scold people?

3) Conclude that she's a petty woman.
Always says other people got that cause of lucky,
can't others be equally/more hardworking ?
Talk to people nicely when you need their help,
when they doesn't do what you want,
you'll show them attitude.
Just like your husband,
forcing people to do things.
Even so,
your husband is more consistant in the way he treats people.

Like what Hannah says,
how i wish i can scold that person who accuse me,
and fight for my rights.
What's there to cry for when you're angry?!!?
Why i had to cry before i even scold that person?

That's all.
Bye.

2010-08-27T15:06:00.005+08:00

Hihi..

Had been watching HongKong Drama for these 3 days off..
Come across a line that i thought is meaningful and it's what i'd been thinking...

" 也许是我过于苛刻，不过我真的想要一个跟我有默契，不用我说也知道我想什么的人。"

Hmm..
That's "him".

That's all.
Bye.

2010-08-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Today,
my first time pairing up with Mummy Fongcheng...
Told her yesterday that she will die terribly when precepting me..
I shouldn't had said that!
She's really so mummy!!!
Not that she's very fierce,
nor sacarstic [like what she says]. --> Maybe i'm too slow/ busy to feel that.
Just she Nags.. NAgs.... NAGs... & NAGS!!!!
But had to admit,
i really gave her many problems and troubles,
with many happened for the first time!
Like dropping of patient's medications.
She will make sure everything are done perfectly before passing over,
or near to perfect because of me...
Very thankful to her for helping me secretly like calling doctors,
labelled the forms,
send bloods,
call porter,
do admissions.
Will be in bigger chaos without her...
Maybe too busy to talk properly to her,
but really wanted to thank her!

Though very busy,
but still wasted 5 secs to crack a joke..
Joke of the day...
"胖子!"

There's still so much to learn!
Feel so inferior when compared with my 2 friends,
they seem so indepedent now!!!

That's all,
Bye!

2010-08-04T23:44:00.003+08:00

Hihi..

Let's talk about some happy stuff...
1) Jessica left a bread in my locker,
hoping to cheer me up...
And it does...
I just can't stop smiling when i got it,
it was just so SWEET!
Till now,
i still haven't eat it..

2) Got a surprise birthday cake from my collegues - Baby Meifen & Joycelyn Lim Yixian...
It may due to stress or busy that i don't feel very touched,
but i must say,
i appreciated all their hardworks!
Especially when i see the photo on the making of the cake.
OH MY GOSH!!
How can Joycelyn look so serious?!?!
And for the height Baby has,
it must be tiring to bend down for a period of time...
So..
Thank you so much for making my birthday from "nothing special" to "something"...

3) Catherine gave me a birthday present that i kind of guessed it..
However,
the effort on making the present was...
Just not all people got the patience to do it...
So...
It was sweet i should say..
Which she always does..

4) My collegues,
Hannah Lian WanJun and Tam Fong Cheng bought me strepsils and herbal tea..
Me: "So mummy, when are you going to brew me herbal tea?"
Fongcheng: "Go buy yourself la!"
Me: "HA~ I'm worried for your daughter, as in is this the way you'll treat her?"
[After her break]
Fongcheng: "[putting the herbal tea in front of me] Nah! Don't say i never give you anything."
I'm touched!
Then i was forced to finish the bottle of herbal tea within the shift.
Hannah Lian got me strepsils...
To have someone always very thrifty to buy you something,
it's a big deal!
So i wanted to return her the money.
But ,
she just doesn't want it.
Probably just this time?
Won't let her buy things for me anymore...

To me,
you want to touched me,
very hard!
I'm just not that kind of girl who will cry or what when someone give me things.
Nor it's easy to surprise me..
Somehow i'm able to sense what will happen next.
Just a look or action,
i know what that person is going to do/say.
It's the matter if i want to act stupid or clever.
So..
Catherine Loo,
i'm not as stupid/ slow as you think..
And probably the only i may get touched is when my senses fails and that i couldn't predict what is going to happen.
Oh!
And my beloved patients..
The things they say can be touching too..
Touched enough that i'll cry..
So..
Ya..

That's all..
Bye!

2010-07-20T18:05:00.002+08:00

Hihi..
Bad days hasn't gone for me in the ward.
Really bad!
At first,
they were so envy of me for having her.
But hey,
now you guys see for yourselves right!
I'm suffering like nobody's business...
Having such unreasonable _____,
scold people before getting things right.
So in this ward,
you can't take MC,
can't put your hand on your waist EVEN when your back hurts like mad.
When you get emotional,
instead of comforting that person [or at least leave her alone to emo.],
they say things that hurt you further.
How i wish to tell her straight,
but i can't...
How i wish to tell her "i just can't smile and talk to you,
because i just can't be plastic!"
How i wish to tell her "actually i'm only not smiling/ talking to you.
I am not showing attitude to the other staff."
How i wish to tell her "why aren't you supporting me when someone accuse me,
and instead showing me black face as though i really did that."
Today,
i was kind of "force" to smile,
and i did!
And will be doing that from today onwards.
It just add on to the days of having that "allergic reaction".
Just one more day and i won't see her for 4 days.
Plastic right?
I will show you!

Bye.

2010-07-07T16:44:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

Just a short post..
In few months time,
i will lose 2 newly made collegues who are turning into friends.
I hate that feeling!
Saying "bye" to a friend whom you will not see him/her for long time,
or even forever...
That's why i doesn't want to meet new friends...
Hate it!

Bye.

2010-07-06T00:47:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Sunday [04.07.10]
Grading for all my kids..
Think they did really great!
Was very impressed with Miao Ying and Miao Qiao's performance..
Especially when Ying managed to do the horse stance...
Kids,
BRAVO!!!
Went for "makan session" after the grading,
manage to eat a little cause need to rush off to a Staff's house warming..

Cab to SN Yanli's house...
Actually never really do much there,
Really cannot tahan Ms Lim,
so BAD!!!
Even a child she also can laugh at her!!!
She even taught Nadiah how to play mahjiong!
If i were to describe Ms Lian,
that will be,
"A wicked girl who always make fun of people"
Then talk to Ms Lian and got emotinal..
Kind of don't like that kind of me,
cry baby...
Then continue the chatting session with Ms Lian after house warming..
Really appreciate it!
Cause it'd been sometime since i last having such talking session.
Hope she don't get irritated..

Today [05.07.10]
First afternoon shift in this ward,
and was the first time it's so ....
BUSY!!!
And never had so many FEBRILE patient in a shift...
Only manage to grab some food at 1930hrs,
where the shift is almost finishing...
Nearly became bed 7's private nurse...
Haha~
Actually i felt abit useless,
doing nothing in her room while others are busy with work..
Hope tomorrow can share this feeling with Nadiah..
hahaha~

That's all.
Bye.

2010-07-02T21:32:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Work today,
that patient "touches" me once again!!!
Everyone knows how cute she was,
but i always see the sentimental side of her..
With only a split second needed after seeing her son back from taiwan,
i saw them teared!!

Tuesday wasn't that bad if i were to compare with today!
What's wrong with the staff today?!
I'm always curious to ask,
"Why you people discriminating the new staff?
Aren't you guys new before?"
Of course we want to learn,
but with this kind of environment, .....
"You are still not confirm yet!"
Do you have to keep reminding us this?
Heard from a staff that Ward 26 is a special ward that either you have something good or something bad,
that they putting you here to remain it/ change it.
After today,
Nadiah agree that she's here to cut down on her "mina-ness",
i'm here to learn to be more "out-spoken" in "mina way".

With the reaction they had yesterday,
i knew it won't be over so soon.
True enough,
it's still a joke brought forward...
Thanks Nadiah for reminding that forgetful Joyce...!

Dad doesn't want me to go for training today,
slept at 0430hrs last night,
so was kind of too tired today...

That's all,
hope tomorrow will be better.
Bye.

2010-07-02T01:33:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Got an unpleasant news early in the morning when i report for work.
R.I.P. MR Tan...
But i think it's a relief for him.
Sometimes it's either we pray they recover or .... if they can't.
Hope Mrs Tan and his family are ok...

Then was touched by conversation of a demented patient and her sister...
It's just heart-warming to see her at least recognising her sister,
and know what's her name.
Joyce says the patient resemble with her granny,
while the patient reminds me to treasure the people around me.

Nadiah and i the accompany Ms Joyce Lim to East Point thinking that she's buying things...
And indeed,
she bought lots of food!
Kind of shock with the way and interval she has to eat...
4 hourly?!
She thought she's on some parameter thing?
Hahaha~
Then while we are having some desserts,
Joyce and Nadiah were really bad to laugh at me about my bad experiences with the birds.
Joyce even teared!
How horrible can that be!!!!

Training again tomorrow,
not sure if i should GO AND SIT again...
Shall decide tomorrow.. [later]

That's all,
bye!!

2010-06-29T23:53:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

I don't really like work today.
Not sure if it's because of Tuesday black.
Got "irritated" by someone and i have my reason for being upset by you.
And i see how people contradict themselves by saying what others shouldn't do,
yet they are doing the same thing.
Thanks for reminding me,
i'm now keeping myself away from the staff.
Moreover,
when they play too much,
they're not aware that what should or shouldn't be said.
I don't understand,
i'm just trying to treat everyone nicely,
why do i get that kind of remarks from you?!

I haven't been training for nearly a month!!!
It's not a good thing to watch people do what you like to do.
For those who thought i'd enjoyed myself sitting there watching,
YOU ARE WRONG!
It's like looking at your favourite food when you're sick,
and therefore you can't eat them.

That's all i guess,
hope Sarniyah's throat is better,
and Hannah's eye.
Bye~

2010-06-26T20:19:00.002+08:00

Hihi...
Half day for work today,
but i work till 1300hrs.
Ward sister request cause there will be only 1 EN later in the shift.
So have to answer the same question over and over again from PM staff.
"You working alone today?"
Then at 1300hrs,
"Why you still here? Don't want to go home?"
Actually i think i'd start to like the ward alittle.

Think that's all,
bye.

2010-06-23T21:41:00.003+08:00

Hihi...
Quite okay with today's working staff...
As in they are those who will talk to new staff,
unlike those who will show black faces..
However,
She and me abit cannot "tahan" ____.
For me,
usually i don't dislike someone,
but rather he/her character.
So the thing i doesn't like was that "fake-ness".
Here ____ was saying how much the other person had been bullying ____,
and how much they'd quarrel.
But all that she and me see was _____ is enjoying herself!
And almost every time when ____ come to us,
____ will be asking where is she.
Why?
I understand no matter how unhappy we're,
we must smile when we see our patients.
That's a no choice "fake-ness".
But to our friends and collegues,
aren't we suppose to be truthful?
I don't know but that's one of my principle - no lying!

I agree with Nadiah that we are just new staff,
no matter what,
there should still be a boundary line between us and the old staff.
Maybe that's the reason why we couldn't understand ____.
And that's also why i still don't really dare to talk much with them.
Furthermore,
it's also one of my character.

OH!
I think the world is really small...
I was staying very near to my preceptor.
Just 2 blocks away,
yet i had never seen her.
They still say now you cannot go out with your boyfriend.

Hmm..
That's all.
bye!

2010-06-19T18:15:00.002+08:00

Hihi...
Half day for work today.
Thought i will enjoy the day,
enjoy working with the people,
but it turns out bad.
Was split by "Favourite No.1" to different ENs.
I was paired up with Jess,
Sarhiyah with Joyce and Nadiah with "Favourite No.1"
At first still ok,
Jess and me work quietly and talk when it's time to talk.
Then Sarhiyah came in to borrow things,
like kind of "brighten the day"? [But i don't mean working with Jess was bad.]
Ha~
Cause when she comes in,
we will talk nonsense for few secs.
It's till she suddenly change attittude,
doesn't want to talk to us...
And i know "J" is kind of playing with "J",
and it better be that way,
else it's really very bad of "J".
But still,
just don't like the way "J" treat "J".
Same "joke" over and over again?
Felt bad for "J" though she like a bit don't care...
That's all..
Bye.

2010-06-14T22:14:00.002+08:00

Hihi...
Went for my 2nd visit to the Chinese Physician..
This time round,
not sure if it's because i tell him to be softer, eaten medication or healing...
It's less painful...
Whereas my baby sister pain till she teared...
And me,
being the evil sister,
kept laughing non stop!!!
Hahaha~

Ate 4 hashbrowns...
with 2 share with my elder sister...
No wonder i'm gaining weight..
Plus no taekwondo for me for few trainings...
Oh no!!
haha~

Going to work tomorrow...
Hopefully sister let me limp around the ward...

That's all...
bye=)

2010-06-13T20:29:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

It didn't came out the way i want..
So yup,
didn't go for work yesterday,
had MC for 3 days... [I don't think it's enough]
Spend half of my day visiting GP and Chinese physician...
The GP says it may be subluxation...
The chinese physician's was terrible!!
It's the 1st time i pain till teared!
Now my leg can only flex to 90 degree,
no lesser than that...
Simply means i can't do simple things like leg raise...
I don't want my taekwondo life to end here..
When i'm getting all that passion,
teaching the new "kids"...
Going for my 2nd treatment tomorrow...

That's all,
Bye.

2010-06-11T23:42:00.002+08:00

Hihi..
Today in ward,
there's a SN and EN kept "playing" with me..
I was ok with the SN,
but was scared of the EN.
So when she went around with me,
taking patients' parameters,
I was quite tensed up.
Then she kept asking,
"are you ok..?"
In conclusion,
they just kept "scarying" me...

Today's training,
so happy that Sir put me with Jessica to teach the freshies...
But..
I injuried myself while teaching...
Stupid me...!
I think i dislocate my knee joint and it locate back itself.
But i guess not really back in place.
There's no swelling but my leg has this super tight feeling...
Cannot walk properly...
Hopefully i can work tomorrow,
don't want take MC for this stupid injuries..
Plus it's only working half day...

That's all,
Bye..

2010-06-08T23:52:00.003+08:00

Hihi....
Today's training,
Polo Sir, Pohling and Girlene Mdm not there...
And if i'm wrong,
[not counting the freshies]
black belt only Jessica and me...
So we went to teach the freshies...
I think so far,
working with Jessica was the best!
She demo and i shout,
then guide the freshies together...
I also change my way of teaching today..
Didn't kept correcting them,
Only when they kept doing wrong,
then i correct...
Hopefully they feel ok...

That's all..
BYE!

2010-06-07T21:38:00.004+08:00

Hihi...
Though still counted as under probation,
but still working in ward officially..
We don't really feel welcome in the ward,
maybe because the staff still don't really know us.
Then know who our preceptors are..
Oh my!
I don't know why but i'm worried!
Scared will character crash...

See all the photos' comments,
some really dishearted me.
After working hard,
nothing in return.
Though i always tell myself not to think of the reward after doing things for people,
but...
I don't know how to say..
To me,
even "thank you" boost me alot.

But still,
there's people like Rayner, John, Jessica, Zante who appreciated.
So I thank them for it.
Though they may say say only,
but i still appreciate it.
Aiya..
Don't say le...
Sian~

Bye~

2010-06-06T22:14:00.012+08:00

Hihi...
Guess this will be a long blog...

Friday [040610]

Last day of the orientation in CGH...

First day for the orientation camp for TKD!!!!

Super look forward for that day to come...

Had many roles...

1) Photographer.

A role that i volunteer for and really like it!

Think i had camera with me more than 15hours....
Took lots of photos,

some with Rayner..

This is one of the photos i really like!

The happy faces that i hope we could create from this camp...

2) Coordinator for team bonding

3) Orientation Night Department:

Didn't really help for the preparation,

was ask to be MC for the Orientation Night.
For people whom had seen me doing presentation should know that i cannot make it one.

So i feel i'm like a clown,

or even worst cause the freshies don't seems to be entertain by me..

4) Medic:

A role that i asked for...

Guess this camp helps me to bring back that passion i used to have for nursing..

And thanks Elaine,

the one who fully utilize me for the whole camp.

Make me feel useful in the camp.

Saturday [050610]

Had fire dril in the morning,

then amazing race in the afternoon...

Went around taking photos...

Then had games after lunch..

Was told to teach freshies again...

Though i really hope to join in the seniors training,

but i think i can't kick much also...

Injuries nowadays took months to recover!

Didn't really correct the freshies alot this time round.

Leave it all to Nicholas...

Finally got the chance to play all girls player captain ball..

That's the only time we all get to touch the ball.

Cause usually when play with guys,

it's impossible.

Then had orientation night and lastly night trail.

For the night trail,

Wenxin, Cath and me were suppose to wear a white plastic mask with torch shinning at the faces.

We were station just between Mac and the garden with fish ponds.

In the end,

only 2 pair of freshies got frightened by us..

Cath fall asleep and was lying in the middle of the garden.

And she got more attention from them...

Some commented:
"Haha~ fail!", "Ey, Xanthe!", some literally ignore us...

We kept changing positions and places for different pair but it simply doesn't work...
Then i will complain with Wenxin,
"Who ask them to rate us?!", "She's suppose to get frighten by us, it's not about recognising us..",

"We should just lie down and sleep like Cath"...

Sunday [060610]

Had water activity...

Wasn't wet at all thanks to my camera.. Ha~

cause they cannot wet it.

But i guess the seniors enjoy themselves more than the freshies..

They were happily playing among themselves at the later part...

Leaving Cath and Me with them...

I think it really upsets Cath alot...

For me,

I'm just upset when some doesn't know when to do/ say the right thing at the right time...

Totally forgotten the image we had to protray to the freshies.

I very much wants to thank the logistics,

especially Eric for working behind the scene quietly..

And felt bad when they kept saying he kept sleeping..

Don't they remember Eric stay up whole night for friday?

Other than that,

had lots of fun and most importantly,

BONDING and getting TOGETHER are what i love the most!

Seeing the smiles and listening to the laughter from the freshies makes me feel all the tireness are nothing.

Of course,

when i see them got injuried during games,

especially during the team fortress.

There's one scene that really tramatised me and till now i'm still feeling that heartache...

Subsequently,

need to look out for anything that may cause it to happen again..

Overall,

I simply love my kids....

Had relapse injury again...

Especially my back that's caused by doing sit up at hard surface during the previous orientation camp 1 year ago.

This time walking also hurts,

so i was kind of less active during the later part of saturday.

And had to sleep facing down to avoid pressing on the sacral.

Some people still say i sleep in a way as though i doesn't need to breath.

Ha~

That's all,

Bye!

2010-05-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Went to ward today...
Feel so useless,
shower one patient for more than 15mins with the help of another friend.
Guess i need time to adapt.
Then had 2 different stations with a total of 4 skills today...
The feeling is....
Shiok!

Training today,
I finally run after skipping it for 6 trainings?
Ha~
Though i don't like running,
but the reason for not running is because i injuried my foot.
Also,
finally spar after missing for 8 trainings?
Haha~
I love sparring,
but because of that injury,
i can't.
Though the injury never heals,
and always hurt after kicking..
But,
I really need to spar else i won't be able to fight even an ant.

Accidentally injuried 2 of my friends,
I'm really sorry..
I admit i did aim for the head,
but not for the injuries...
I thought i could stop on time or something...
Hai~
But Wenxin get to revenge for the next kick..
HA~

OK,
That's all..
Bye!

2010-05-23T20:36:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

Had Taekwondo poomse for NYP these 2 days.
Went down late yesterday,
so went early today.
The most important reason is because Wandin is the 1st few competitors.
Was suppose to give her some opinion yesterday,
but couldn't.
So hope i can help alittle today.
And indeed,
was kind of busy helping around today..
Tired but happy...

5 freshies came by to support them.
Then suddenly Tim ask them if i had done a good job at teaching them.
Few of them say i correct them even when very little thing,
whereas another black belt only shout...
Don't know why but i feel they wasn't happy having me teaching them.
After thinking,
guess i shouldn't had correct them that often.
They may think,
"Why this senior like that, we just learn only mah,
sure will have wrong, does she need to keep correcting us!"
Hai~
I just want to help them,
hope they get the basic as strong as possible...

That's all..
Bye

2010-05-22T00:26:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Had Case management for the whole of today's programme.
I think i accidentally slept throughtout most of the time...
Haha~
The lecturer try to make it interesting with games..
But i just can't help it,
felt sleepy after her activities..

Today TKD training was just fantastic for me..
Haha~
Did 120 crunches instead of 50 cause i didn't run..
So kind of compensate...
Then Sir let me teach the freshies...=)
Notice?
Now i use the word "let" instead of "ask"...
Cause i was very willing to teach them...
Wandin also ask me for help for her poomse..
Actually i know very limited about everything,
so when she's willing to ask me for help,
i'm happy and contented le =)

That's all,
bye!

2010-05-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

This morning was the graduation for my class,
was really delighted to see Mdm Ee.
Was thinking if she wasn't there,
then i'll go to her office and see her...
She even initiated to hug me after i'd receive my certificate!!!
Then had lots of pictures taken,
to me...
Ha~ Cause i don't really like take photo,
but love to take photo for people and things...

Then training tonight wasn't tiring,
but got quite afew of new injuries adding on to the old ones..
But they're those that heal easily,
so not to worry...
Was distracted by the freshie...
I always say i'm not those who can teach,
and therefore,
won't initiate to teach people unless someone ask me.
So this time thanks to Sir,
I think i'd started to like teaching...
It's like what the old folk always says,
"一日为师，终生为父"
After teaching them for 4 sessions,
I started to have the "parents" feeling..
HAHA~
Like seeing them as my kids.
For the 1st session,
i still don't really like teaching people.
However,
since the 2nd session,
I tried very hard to make them understand what i'm trying to teach.
Tried to have one to one teaching,
holding their legs,
doing in slow motion and etc.
I really enjoyed it!
I guess Sir and Mdm love these feelings too,
that's why,
other than the passion for taekwondo,
probably it's teaching that give them has the ability to overcome the tiriness after work...

That's all...
Bye..

2010-05-12T18:06:00.000+08:00

I want potato chips!!!!

2010-05-09T16:58:00.005+08:00

Hihi...

Friday's training...
Didn't get to train much,
instead,
was asked to train people...
After training,
Sir's wonderful announcement got more people to know...

Yesterday [080510]
Had a wonderful day.
Watch movie, then ate my favourite cheese fries, went bugis to eat dessert, then to the new shopping mall [which i always can't remember the name]....
It was the 1st time the day don't ends after watching movie! =)
Met Ho Ying, surprisingly...
Haha..
Not sure if i should had been that nice to help someone whose busy messaging to get into the train..
So one know,
the remaining members from black society will have to know..
HA~

Hope anyone who's curious will come to US straight,
we are more than happy to say...
THANKS!

2010-05-04T23:57:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Started orientation in CGH.
So far so good,
just that the sun burnt i got cause me difficulty in sitting.
Cause the chair seems too rough for me right now.
Went back to Ward 47 today,
don't dare to step into the ward..

Almost everyone were saying,
"Xanthe, why you so shy?!"
Haha~
Cause of my two blushing cheeks..

Today's training was not very tiring..
Polo Sir gave us lots of breaks in between.
Think i shouted really very loud for the class dismissal command..
Sirs and Mdm were shocked! HA~

Think i'm a black belt that people think i doesn't need to be respected...
Got shouted by someone after training [face to face]
"Can bring down the mats or not!"
At first i wasn't that angry..
So i replied,
"ok.."
Then i ask him,
"You leh? No need to keep?"
He gave me a really ... answer.
"I need to ask people to keep"
What!
Cath was being shouted by him too..
So obviously we got more angry when we discuss about this on the way down...

That's all.
Bye~

2010-04-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Went to collect uniform in the morning...

Then went to school for TKD.
Today's training,
one word,
"Shiok!" HA~
Reason being i'm not only giving commanding louder,
but shouting loudly!! [Due to the newly joined freshie]
Brian Sir was sick and i was called upon to lead the run and warming up exercise...
I don't know why,
but i don't feel as stress as taking the class without freshie..

Couldn't kick due to injuried right leg...
So help Cath with teaching of freshie..

Then after that,
became the medic,
cause John wasn't around.
Why when i'm the medic,
there'll be lots of injuries?
HA~ Maybe i brought bad luck to them!!

Okay!
That's all..
Bye =)

2010-04-29T17:31:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Had been introducing people a movie that's quite long ago one...
Called,
天....使我爱你...
The main actor was so...
sweet,
innocent,
cute...
I bet most of the girls will want a guy like this!
My favourie quote of the show:

女：喂！你这么还在这里！
男：你叫我站在这里不要动.
女：你是笨蛋哦！
男：我比较笨，会惹你生气。
女：我很霸道哦！
男：*shake head*
女：我很容易生气，你现在后悔还来得及。。
男：我不会后悔的！
女：那我会为了一点小事生气！
男：那我会很安静的，等你把脾气发完。。
女：那我动不动就会跑掉。。
男：我答应你，会站在这里等你回来！

But i guess it's just a show,
impossible to have this kind of guy existing..

Tomorrow is Friday!
Happy!
Not because sat. is coming,
just...
ha~ happy!

That's all,
bye!

2010-04-28T01:02:00.003+08:00

Hihi...

Today,
quite busy.

First,
0900hrs reached Bedok Estern Specalist Clinic for body check up.
Weight is 42.1Kg,
Height i didn't get to see...
Blood Pressure around 90+/60+..

Then went to NKF at Whompoa to signed up with Singapore Nursing Board.

Next,
went home to shower and prepare for training...

Reached school around 1830hrs,
this year freshie not as much as last year...
Took them for warm-up.
Broke into 8 groups for ice-breaking..
Then played some games...

I think i'm waiting...

No more le..
bye =)

2010-04-23T23:17:00.001+08:00

Hihi...

Loves today's training,
no running!!!
I just simply enjoy training!!
Ha~

That's all.
Bye!

2010-04-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

Hihi..

Went to school for club crawl these two days...
Day 1:
Performance was fine,
but can be better...
Diarrhoea for 4 times...
But overall,
still enjoy the day...

Day 2:
Performance was not good at all...
I don't know what's wrong with him..
Why during rehearsal we can do it,
but today,
i will have that terrible fall!!
At first i blame him,
but i thought it could be my fault that i didn't stretch out my hand when reaching the ground.
However,
when i see the video,
I'd already stretched out my hand,
but was "forced" to fall flat on the ground!
It was really painful that i can't stand up immediately..
But because it's performance,
i had to continue..
In the end,
I told Cath to help me command as it's really impossible for me to shout.
Nearly wanted to tell Girlene Mdm that i can't dance...

After that,
HAD to go for dinner with them.

Ended the day not really in a good mood...

That's all,
bye!

2010-04-21T00:17:00.003+08:00

Hihi..

It's in red color today,
it's rare,
but i'm really very happy today!!

Woke up early for BCLS re-cert. today.
Thought would end at 17.30hrs,
but luckily we finish all the 6 pratical modules and 1 theory test early!
Shocked when i saw i got full marks for theory test...
But should say it's less tricky then the one i did 2yrs ago in NYP..
In the end still have time to take passport size photo and reach school early =)

Kind of love today's training!!!
No need to practice footwork... haha~
Maybe we are having rehearsal for clubcrawl for the whole training,
i feel we are so bonded together!!!

To me,
self-defence was excellent today!!
JJ suddenly has the strength to carry me,
even though it's very tiring today,
as we're rehearsing the whole thing over and over again!

Tomorrow will be another busy day!
But i'm enjoying!!

That's all,
Bye!!

2010-04-18T00:16:00.002+08:00

Hihi...
Today is a really bad day...
Had the longest crying session with myself..
Cath: I wrote the letter, but i didn't gave it to her...
I think it's too cruel to make the day before her happiest day unhappy...
So i decide to give her on the other day...

Went to Ying's birthday party...
Just don't have the mood...
Luckily i didn't spoil or bring down the atmosphere..

Thought i can share with you my unhappiness,
but you wasn't there...

That's all,
bye

2010-04-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Got to practise self-defence in today's training...
Again..
I fall to the ground a few times.
Think i was too heavy for JJ.
Told Brian Sir to change to a lighter girl for him...
Because my legs was so short that if JJ couldn't carry me high enough,
i can't scissors my leg around his head,
then i'll fall straight to the ground,
and we need to repeat over and over again..

Twisting the 2 guys to floor [JJ & Fusen] wasn't smooth too..
Don't know why,
but my kneels kept knocking onto the floor...
And was guilty for hitting Fusen ACCIDENTALLY with my kneel.

5 people are appointed to climb on 5 guys..
because of my body's size,
i'm one of them...
Cath and I fight to have fusen as our base as he seems like the most steady guy.
But I kind,
I chose Chun You in the end,
cause he carried me before.

Just wanted to apologise to all guys who need to carry me in any form..
I'm sorry in advance...!
I'm already trying to lose weight..
So please don't curse and swear behind my back!!!

That's all..
Bye!

2010-04-16T00:07:00.005+08:00

Hihi..

YES,
words in black,
those who read my blog before will know what it means if i write in different colour -
pink, purple and black...

Met my secondary school friends already.
Eat, chat, walk, eat, chat, walk, chat....
Thought we will feel weird at 1st,
cause it's been a year plus since i last saw them.
But i thought,
at least to me,
I'm not feeling awkward..

Saw my "should i or should i not" again!!!
Hai~
Think it will only be decide later...

Went home and...
did housework!
Why is it me,
why can't my siblings help so that i don't need to.
And why am i so stupid to initiate the help,
then complaining now.
I such a loser...

I think it's just a dream,
a story of Cinderella...

Nothing le.
Bye.

2010-04-15T13:21:00.002+08:00

Hihi...

Was it just a dream?

I guess so...

Finally i'm going out with my Secondary school friends..
Hope it's a nice and memorable one.

Still thinking should i or should i not..
Cath says just go ahead...

Bye..